Well you may not have received love lessons from family and friends along the way, but maybe you can identify with this scenario.
Dawn and Frank are in love, but it is not always all good. Frank is chronically unsupportive which makes Dawn feel compelled to give her mom an earful every time that Frank is the least bit inconsiderate. Dawn leaves Frank often and each time she calls her mother for comfort as well as her best friend Kim, her other best friend Jody, and her sister from another mother Monica. All of these ladies are there to hear how dishonest Frank is, how wasteful Frank is, how cold and callous Frank is, and how Frank is an all around loser. Despite Frank's obvious character flaws, Dawn keeps going back for more because she loves him. However, Dawn never tells her friends and family that she has reentered the relationship, but when Dawn has to move back home with her mother, she has to break the news so that Frank can come visit. Her mother is livid and says that Frank is not welcome at her home. Dawn is in pieces.
The question is: Do you tell your friends and family negative things about your mate? Is this a good thing or a bad thing to do and why? If you have done this before, how do they receive it? Have you ever loved someone that your family despised?
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I have to say no to all the questions above. Its funny how only bad new is often share in the situation mention above, and chances are there is some good news in there their must be or else she would not keep going back
ReplyDeleteOne of the worst things to do is to tell people about your relationship. While it is human nature to want to talk to someone, it can be detrimental. I was in a relationship where both I and my significant other would talk to family about our problems. As a result, both our family members didnt like each one of us.
ReplyDeleteWe loved one another but it got to the point where nobody cared whether or not we tried to work things out. It wasnt a case of abuse or anything like that. We just clashed from time to time. Arguments, nothing extreme. It was just a case of both of us getting on one another's nerve one time too many.
In retrospect, I will not talk about my relationships with anyone, especially family. They want to see you happy and if it appears that somebody is making you miserable, they will speak against the relationship altogether. As long as nobody is abusing anyone, there is no need to tell family or friends whats goes on in your relationship.
I refuse to tell my family anything personal about my relationship (and in some cases my personal life), as my family is terrible at giving advice. They think they know everything, yet fail to apply all that knowledge to their own lives. Also, if you tell one person you may as well tell everyone else.
ReplyDeleteAs for my friends, I do go to them from time to time when I need advice. However, it isn't to bash my mate. It normally is me asking for solutions (that I haven't thought of) to make a situation better.
Generally, I feel that any and everything should first be discussed with your mate. Dawn may have painted a very negative picture of Frank, but the reality is probably that Frank didn't know how Dawn felt because Dawn refused to discuss her feelings with him. When that happens how can a person make the necessary changes to establish a better common ground in the relationship?
Now if the relationship is over with and you've done something extremely grimy to me I reserve the right to vent to my friends. However, my friends understand that I'm not that harsh of a person to extremely dislike someone (even if they've wronged me).
@ Unbreakable: I agree with you whole heartedly. If you are going to share anything about your mate with other, make sure that it is something positive.
ReplyDelete@ Richard: It is the worst thing that you can do. Like Unbreakable states, others only know what you tell them about the person. This can skew them in the wrong direction if the relationship is not all bad.
@ Browneyedpanther: Good for you! This brings forth noteworthy info. Know the source! If the person that you run to with your personal drama has a life that is constantly in shabbles, this most likely disqualifies them from giving solid advice.
First, I have never been in any of those situations.
ReplyDeleteSecond, I do not agree with Mr. Richard J. Wright's statement. I don't believe the problem is tellig family and friends about your relationships, but how you do so, In what light you put the person/situation when telling it.
Talking to close relatives and friends about relationships isn't detrimental, but the way one may go about communicating a sensitive and already wounded situation, can be. Look not at how they react, but look more at how you are describing such a situation to them. And then understand why they feel the way they feel, and respond with those actions and/or attitudes.
Whenever I'm in a type of situation where, generally, someone has offended me and I'm describing what happened to others, I am true to my feelings at that moment, yes, but I try--TRY-- to still be truthful to the whole picture, everything that went on. And If I had a fault, painful as it may be, I try to admit that so the listener won't get the idea that person B is just "the most horrible thing ever, and will do no good in my life and should be excommunicated."
Before you swear off family and friends from discussions on your relationships, examine your past dialogues, and honestly answer this question: Did you kind of set yourself up for the negative responses you recieved with the manner in which you communicated the situation?
O.F.C.J.
The thing about dating is that it all comes down to your mentality, on how you see it. I have had this wonderful dating experience which might be quite surprising for many people who read this.
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@ OFCJ: This is true. Watch what you say and how you say it. Keep in mind that there may be some things that others will take the wrong way no matter how you try to sugarcoat it. The point of it all is to tread lightly when it comes to this issue.
ReplyDeleteI have one friend that I trust and talk to but we are both married. Other than her, I don't tell anybody about my business. I don't even tell my mom!!
ReplyDelete